Longshore checks his voicemail on the sidelines

photo: Michael Chow/Arizona Republic

"Hey Nate, what's up bro? Matt Ryan, quarterback of Boston College calling. I just wanted to call to say thanks for helping me out with my Heisman bid. You know, DeSean Jackson could have gotten back in the Heisman race tonight. You know he's just doing his job, streaking down the sidelines early in the 4th quarter, yet you severely underthrew him by about 15 yards to the waiting hands of Justin Tryon. I mean, DeSean had that guy clearly beat. He was wide open...more open than my receivers in the final two minutes the other night. Man, if I had a receiver like DeSean, he'd rack up like 3 touchdowns a game. Anyways, learn from my mistakes and wait to throw up when the cameras aren't on you. Oh wait, they're not on you, they just keep showing your fans leaving the stadium, jumping back in their Volkswagen buses and heading towards the I-10 West. Maybe if we lose the rest of our games we could play each other in the Emerald Bowl. Or maybe not. Oh shit, you just threw another terrible pick to Robert James. Man that's embarrassing. I better get back to watching this game just in case we have to play these guys. Later."

My attempt at comedy. If you want to try your own, leave one in the comment section.